過去 已經過去 眼前 你要珍惜 Ham~~如果她願意
替我愛你 就讓她替我跟你鬥嘴鬧情緒
聽你說她很細心 善解人意 她真的比我更適合你
讓她愛你 就讓她替我陪你熱鬧或孤寂
抱歉的話別再提 就到這裡 我真心願意讓她替我愛你
2008年5月30日 星期五
this is the 2nd time i m experiencing this. and it still feels as bad as before.
being accusing of backstabbing again.
it's ok. it is not purely my decision to do so. but if he really need someone to blame on. i can take it.
juz hope he can accept it.
it will be easier for everyone too.
sometimes, over-defending yourself only makes life miserable for everyone. coz not all are willing to listen to your excuses. no matter how reasonable they are.
hope today's tribal counseling will mark an end for everything.
hope things get settled before the concert and tour.
hope he can understand my position too.
just hope.
*帶著面具的小丑下台一鞠躬*
凌晨12:00
2008年5月27日 星期二
within half an hour, i have gained myself a castle, an army, and the right to defeat the dragon.
it feels like 杯酒釋兵權 to me.. as everything gets solve so fast.
quite funny tt i have been worried abt it for so long.
so thursday will be my first battle with the evil dragon.
everything is going to be find. i am trying to make myself believe in this.
since i have informed everyone i need and did everything i need to prepare for this moment.
hope i am getting myself a new helper and partner. not more enemies =.=
continue praying now ...
*帶著面具的小丑下台一鞠躬*
晚上9:21
ok. after a few difficult and painful mental struggles, i decide to face the evil dragon directly.
no point praying and hoping the evil dragon will be enlightment and become good all by himself.
and i can't always let the dragon attacks me and upsets my days. EVERYTHING MUST COME TO A STOP !!
so i should take my first step tomorrow: find a castle to protect myself from dragon's fireballs and an army to attack the dragon. most likely a wise to give more strategies to counter the dragon.
worse come to worse then i have to let my ppl down. but it's ok. at least i did try my best. and i think that's enough =)
thank you for people who gave me a lot of suggestions and supports =) you did provide me with excellent weapons and armors to deal with the dragon.
all armed and equipped.
mr dragon, here i come!! :P
*帶著面具的小丑下台一鞠躬*
凌晨1:33
2008年5月25日 星期日
i muz be cursed by the God this year. so i suddenly become busier than i ever was, even during my school days. all the rhsls and lessons and tuitions and works are starting to kill me!! it also includes getting unwanted responsibilities and face ppl who i cant stand with =.= *sigh*
during one of the interview, i debated with my interview abt work life balance. i told him tt i dun want to make music my career no matter how much i like it, becoz i dun want to get tired of it one day, and realized i have nothing except music. he argued tt then i will be very sad in my career, coz i have spent all my interest and love in music, so i will have nothing to spare for my career. then i rebuted by telling him tt that's why i want to choose the particular course. becoz the certain characteristics it, so i can juz imagine i am making another type of music at work :P [looks crap... but from the interviewer's face, i think i did managed to make it sound convincing =)] it sounds very ironic now. coz i am already getting tired of it. as well as all the politics behind it. i felt i am not enjoy the pure music anymore. every time i play, i am carrying such a heavy responsibility to guide everyone tt i cant concentrate on juz enjoying the music and do my best... miss the days when i can juz enjoy the music from the bottom of my heart.
multi-task is never my strength. i juz cant play my part and listen to the whole section, as well as shoot evil eyes to them whenever they play wrongly/off/out of tune... especially when i cant even read the score properly at my position and thus have to memorize the score part by part, so tt i can play and look at the conductor at the same time... is there by any chance can i change desk partner?
there are less and less happy things in yo for me to update here...
i think i need a break to search back my passion and joy and love for music...
*帶著面具的小丑下台一鞠躬*
凌晨12:12
2008年5月17日 星期六
in the state of self hatred.
think i failed in everything.. leadership, public relationship, family relationship...
i am turning into someone whom i dun recognize.
i feel i am so far away from the section now. it seems to have a lot of things going on but i am always the last one to know about them. and i hate to be the last one to know what's going on around me.
start to understand how the king used to feel last time. but at least he got his RI friends to accompany him then. but for me, the bass section is my everything in yo. without them, i dun have anything anymore.
if got promoted means have to separate from all of you, then i wish i have never been promoted.
it is so hard to find the right attitude to face all of them now. can't be too slack coz have the responsibility as a SL. but too serious then they will think i am trying to be dao since i am the SL now... i bet i am juz not the born-leader type. *sigh*
maybe it was about time to leave... dunno how much longer can i hang on in this state.
time to find a new place where i can belong to.
*帶著面具的小丑下台一鞠躬*
晚上9:55
2008年5月16日 星期五
finally got the documents regarding the Italy trip. The whole section is going except Gwyn[heard is his mum dun allow].. so we are all ready to get high, have great fun!! they extend the trip from 7 days to 10 days! more time, more fun!! [hopefully.. wish it was not more time, more concert, less tour -.-] and they also increase the subsidy... without subsidy everyone has to paid $3800. with it was $1000 at first. but now it was $750~~~ where on earth can you find such a cheap price to tour Europe!!
it suddenly reminded me of one incident. i was asking dinah whether we are going to share room in Italy again, like what we did in Vienna. then the woman REJECTED me!! said she wanted to share room with tedson *faint*. but she got good point too lah.."aiya, anyway we are going to sleep in the same room in the end, so dun have to care who share room with who lah..". last time Vienna the guys also came to our room [one of them was becoz his roommate took the key and disappeared. so he got no choice but came to our room]... so we were all ready to play though out the night!!
got the new schedule for the term... they are extending the rhsl hours and adding an extra tuesday rhsl from June holiday onward >.<
*帶著面具的小丑下台一鞠躬*
凌晨3:04
2008年5月11日 星期日
went for NTU HiTea today. met a new friend Melissa [coz both of us couldn't find the shuttle bus together :P] It was quite an experience for me since i have already decided to accept the acc offer from NTU, so i know what questions i want to ask :)
the Prof gave the briefing seemed to be the interviewer of mine =.=" but not really sure abt it since it was so long ago [and i never rmb interviewers' their names]. the Yr 3 senior at our table was really nice ^*^ since there are only 3 undergraduates [plus one undergraduate's father and sister], so we were able to ask a lot of questions regarding life in NTU [even more if the father can shut up and stoping sharing his opinions on graduates nowadays.... really, none of us us interested. even you son.] He even promised to recommend profs for diff modules to help in the future. he also shared with us Hall lifes, campus lifes, academic stuffs blah blah blah... THANK YOU SENIOR ^*^
the only bad thing abt the HiTea today muz be the food. i bet the plate's radius is juz around 6cm... and there are only 4 types of food there. i was expecting really good food there so i didn't have my lunch [also no time lah... at least 1.5hr travelling time from my house to NTU]... went home with an empty stomach... should have bought something to eat beforehand :(
heard quite a few friends going NTU too.. hope can meet them in sch too :P maybe can ask them to share with me... haha
lookk forward to campus life now~~
*帶著面具的小丑下台一鞠躬*
晚上11:55